Archive for the Digital Spy Idiocy Category

The X-Ploitation Factor 2010: Live Shows Episode 5.2

Posted in Digital Spy Idiocy, The X Factor on November 8, 2010 by kokairu

why is the whole cheryl not voting think gaining so much talk and hate, wasn’t it a no brainier she wasn’t gonna vote? i would have been shocked if she did?? dannii would have done the same and so would louis. how could she choose they were both her acts and imo it would be quiet heartless and rude if she chose one over another??!

You call that a shock? It wouldn’t even qualify as static.

I love watching The X Factor from this viewpoint. It’s so satisfyingly cynical, I can join in the conversations about it, and if I remain impartial to the contestants, betting can be a lot of fun, too. Bye bye, Trey C… hello 20 quid.

I’m not that great at guessing, though – it helps to have some leaked hints regarding the voting.

The rundown

Paije – Maybe he’ll make the final 5, after all. He seems to have a (somewhat deserved) following. Also, I loved his performance on Saturday. So much for being impartial.

Matt – Whatever. I like him too.

Rebecca – Well… is it enough to say I wouldn’t cry myself to sleep at night if she was sent packing? The Digital Spy prospects are very tempting…

Mary – You sing flawlessly every week, woman… but… it’s just a bit… TOO flawless… d’you know what I mean?

Wagner – YES! Let’s all vote for Wagner! Let’s stick it to Simon Cowell by feeding more money into The X Factor! He’s a gimmick that was picked out of a hat for this series, he’s nothing special on either of the interpretations of the word. He’s just there to enforce the idiot persona of Louis Walsh, who goes back to his mansion at the end of the programme and doesn’t give a fuck about the publicity he’s getting… because he’s sleeping on a bed of your money.

Cher – I am really indifferent. Enough people are on about her chaviness and I have little else to add to that.

One Direction – dear God, they were drowned out by the backing track… do you think it was intentional?

Aiden – I can’t place this one, but I think he’s safe for a little while yet.

TreyC – kthanxbai

Katie – Where exactly were you on the afternoon of 11/09/01? And do you have an alibi to back you up?

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The X-Ploitation Factor 2010: Live Shows Episode 5.1

Posted in Digital Spy Idiocy, The X Factor on November 6, 2010 by kokairu

Stop picking on me,you dont like rebecca so your trying to bring properganda to the forum.

We’re finally down to a more manageable line-up, and it’s getting more and more tricky to pick out the ones that will come off less favourably. Even going on less memorable performances tonight (Mary, anyone?), who’s to say a given contestant’s fanbase won’t still vote based on previous weeks?

Well, as I’ve mentioned a few times, we could be in for a “shock” tomorrow. And by shock, I mean amusement at the sudden eruption of the DS forums. I also think that Wagner’s luck will run out this weekend, and he may well be in the Bottom Two-  along with Katie, TreyC or Mary. If Wagner is amongst the damned, I reckon his soul may be spared, depending on whom he will be up against.

The X-ploitation Factor 2010: Live Shows Episode 3.2

Posted in Digital Spy Idiocy, The X Factor with tags on October 25, 2010 by kokairu

It’s all laughs for now but hmm what about in a few weeks time!!

I am wrong, and Paije survives the “bottom two” stigma for another week. On the plus side, I put a last minute bet on John to go and made a profit.

I found Saturday night’s show the most enjoyable edition so far. The contestants were given some slightly less clichéd song choices – ironic, then, that these should be given to them in guilty pleasures week. I also now have a favourite contestant, along with every other straight female in the country.

The Run Down

Paije – well, I thought he was almost guaranteed to be in the bottom two, and last night proved me wrong. It doesn’t matter how talented he is, though. They shook off John eventually and Paije is next on the list.

Matt – Very enjoyable performance on Saturday and he was soon favourite to win again.

Aiden – Popularity is evidently slipping, but I think he’s still one of the bosses’ favourites. He has that weird quality that repels women in real life but on a celebrity is attractive for some reason. When I say he has it, they’ve thrust it upon him.

Mary – To keep her spot on the show interesting they need to throw something different at her. There’s usually no such thing as peaking too early, but evidently there is on this kind of show. In order to maximise her potential, they should’ve left the big belters for later. Then again, as soon as the audience sees her as a one tricky pony she’s easy to get rid of, and no one will be complaining to Ofcom.

John – self-explanatory, but I hope the most talented person in the competition goes on to bigger and better things. ‘Blessing’ and ‘disguise’ spring to mind.

Wagner – I’m happy for him to stay in, just to hear his name boomed out every week by Peter Dickson’s distinctive voice. Just how much longer he’ll be there, though, I don’t know – the novelty will wear off soon enough.

One Direction – my, aren’t they terrible? With no talent, there’s no way they’ll win, right? Oh…

Belle Amie – evidently, the ‘kicked puppy’ trick worked.

Cher – no change there.

Rebecca – after Saturday’s performance it’s evident, now, that she’s a Chosen One. Why not, anyway? Very sweet and very talented.

TreyC – maybe people would vote for you if you didn’t spell your name that way.

Katie – oh God, where to start? Her performance on Saturday made me cringe from start to finish. For a massive Disney fan it was torturous seeing it handed to my least favourite contestant. Here’s the essay…

The Jungle Book is an overrated Disney film. It lacks magic and charm, and the only really good character is Baloo. However, it’s pretty funky and, obviously, contains good songs. “I wanna be like you” is the real stand-out of those songs. Why is it so good? Because it’s crazy. It finishes with Baloo and King Louie singing complete nonsense lines to one another, and it never fails to put a smile on my face. Those complete nonsense lines were improvised by Phil Harris and Louis Prima when they recorded it – an excellent touch.

In Katie’s performance of it, it was trying to show her as a ‘different’ artist because she’s singing music from a children’s film and coolifying it. Wasn’t it so wonderful and quirky? I’m not saying she didn’t carry off the performance well, but it was a condensed version of the song to make people think ‘OMG the girl can do Disney, she MUST be good after all’ when she’d not been given the very resources that make that song what it is, and I very much doubt she even realises why that song is so good.

I’ve also recently made this song into a duet version of the UltraStar Challenge Mod, I’d like to see her do that.

Oh dear, I’ve become everything that I hate. The song is intact, no one has ruined it, and Katie is still not going to win. Chill out Kokairu.

The X-Ploitation Factor 2010: Live Shows Episode 3.1

Posted in Digital Spy Idiocy, The X Factor on October 24, 2010 by kokairu

hes so ****ing rude to dannii, never talks 2 her, never ackowledges her unless its to be rude and i dont t hink dannii will be there next year.

Options for the bottom 2 seem quite clear at the moment: it’ll be between Belle Amie, John and Paije. I’m going with the latter as a near definite – if not on tonight’s show, then sometime in the near future (if he’s lucky). I initially said of Paije, when he was picked as one of the wildcards, that “it’s all up to the producers whether they want to give him a real ‘belter’ just as his popularity starts to drop.” Therefore, though they have the resources to work with when it comes to Mr Richardson, they’ve chosen to neglect them, giving him the first slot of the night and a song choice that doesn’t reflect his strong vocal abilities that much. That’s not to mention that he lost his grandma this week and it was only briefly mentioned that it had been a difficult period for him. It’s not right to use situations like that to better the contestants’ progress, but it’s not as though the show’s shied away from doing it before, and if it had been given at least some coverage on the programme it would make Paije safe as a house.

As for John, I say week on week that he’s not long for this show (and the bosses seem to be trying to shake him off like a bad case of ‘pins and needles’), but he continues to survive anyway. In a similar manner to Paije, he’s one of the most talented people there, but the producers just aren’t keen to maximise his potential.

Belle Amie are somewhat of a question mark. They’ve got a shot at a rebound vote from last week, but their song choice was boring and their performance of it below average. The judges also didn’t offer any cues in their post-performance speeches that would make the audience want to vote for them, either. Saying that, their ‘kicked puppy’ look might have some impact.

The only other possible contender, I think, is TreyC. Not because she was bad last night, but because she wasn’t given any stand-out cues to vote for her. She’s quietly liked, possibly being outshone by Rebecca.

The remaining 9 contestants all have reasons to remain safe this week, most unfortunately that includes Katie. My keyboard could be spared if she goes tonight, because I have a number of problems with her song choice that only geek rage can express.

Lastly: guilty pleasures? Really?

The X-Ploitation Factor 2010: Live Shows Episode 1.1

Posted in Digital Spy Idiocy, The X Factor on October 10, 2010 by kokairu

DS user:
i dnt know why everyone disliked it soooo much, i thought he was incredible and showed how versatile he was, his performance was like a concert was different!! and will stick in people’s minds till nxt week!!

This is the best I could find from last night – the forum is usually better following the results.

As I’ve seen someone else say, last night’s XF felt very much like the EuroVision song contest. It certainly seemed to be trying to deliver as much “variety” as possible.

Has my outlook changed on the contestants? In some cases, yes. First and foremost, we have the wildcards. Not just one, but four:

Paije: I’m glad he’s in. Good voice, and after all the ‘yo-yoing’ of yes/no verdicts, as Simon so nicely put it, there’s a lot of incentive for people to pick up the phone for him. Good performance last night, but I wasn’t sure on his wardrobe.

TreyC: Difficult to take seriouslY. Her being a wildcard seems to be good publicity; I don’t think anyone would care about her otherwise. The producers seem to be keen on her doing well, or she wouldn’t be given the coveted final slot last night.

Wagner: John Sergeant effect. He’s not going anywhere for the time being, I don’t think.

Diva Fever: More gimmicks to try and get people talking. I don’t think they’ll take off like Jedward though.

I’m more convinced than ever that poor old John is a disposable. And as promised, I’ve shaped my opinion of FYD based on their first live performance; The Powers That Be could not make it any more obvious that this group is disposable. First slot? So little attention? They’ll be going tonight.

Since tonight is a double elimination, that usually means that one person is “straight out based solely on the public vote” and then a bottom two is conceived from those that receive the second- and third-least votes respectively, for the judges someone to decide whom to “save.” I think Belle Amie will seize the final slot in the bottom three and receive the lifeline. FYD will receive the fewest votes, and John will be sent home following the show’s decision. I don’t think any of the wildcards are in trouble. Those are my predictions, anyway. I could be wrong. I don’t really care if I am, since I don’t yet have a favourite this year.

I’ve changed a couple of my observations since my last entry (the live shows are usually somewhat of an eye opener regarding exactly what purpose each contestant serves):

Aiden was handed many tools to his advantage last night (suitable song, stage, and performance slot). The guy delivered pretty well, and he’s now the bookies’ favourite to win. I definitely got the ‘disposable’ part wrong.

Nicolo has been turned into more of a village idiot than a pantomime villain. He seems to have a lot of following on DigitalSpy, but I think he’ll go sooner rather than later.

That’s that, anyway. I don’t think I’ll be able to do this every Sunday pre-results, but it’s worth a try well intended attempt.

The X-Ploitation Factor Part II: The Judges’ Houses

Posted in Digital Spy Idiocy, The X Factor on October 4, 2010 by kokairu

The final 12’s out, the Internet’s erupting, I am speechless.

Not over the chosen contestants. I couldn’t resist the spoilers (which turned out to be correct), so this weekend’s X Factor dosage was tedious to say the least. It’s not a huge amount of fun watching the “judges” make the suspense of the decisions as emotionally crippling as possible for the contestants when you know what the stupid verdict is anyway.

Overall, then, I wasn’t surprised to see the likes of Gamu and Paije go home. The former attracted more attention because at least one of the girls picked wasn’t nearly fit to have her place instead. Cheryl Cole’s undergoing one helluva stupid attack from the media and Internet users alike:

I don’t really care that much about Ms Cole’s credibility, but rumour has it that her only input in the girls category was to have Rebecca in the line-up, meaning that the Powers That Be made the “controversial” decisions. Why are people so stupid as to think Cheryl Cole has any more creative input in The X Factor than she does in her Loreal contract?

I take it everyone’s in agreement that the vocal talent of the final line-up isn’t anywhere near the best it could’ve been? OK, just so we’re clear on that, let’s look at the mentality behind each selected contestant:

Boys (“Mentor”: Dannii Minogue)

Matt (decorator guy, wears a cap): good voice. Bit of a bum-around Average Joe that I’m sure a lot of people can relate to. I think he would sell records, so could be a potential winner.

Aiden (weird hairstyle, sang Gold Digger at this audition without music… looks a bit like Joe McElderry in a wig): Possibly a disposable… I don’t seem to recall this guy getting an awful lot of exposure – this is a key aspect from the preliminary stages. I’m fairly sure there’d be a positive correlation between the familiarity of a face and voting figures, but I don’t have an official source on that.

Nicolo (Italian douchebag): Has been compared to Rhydian. Vocally, of course, he’s very different, but for some reason pantomime villains go down very well on this show. I guess arrogance is a breath of fresh air for the audience when the 11 other contestants are prone to crying and breakdowns. Will it emerge that the preliminary shows were edited to make this guy look worse than he actually is? It wouldn’t surprise me.

Over 28s (“Mentor”: Louis Walsh)

This category has had very little to go on this year, and with the minimum age to qualify for it going up, it’s become even more of a mid-life crisis fest than ever before.

Mary (Tesco worker made up to look like Dawn French for the live shows): They’ve bigged this woman up a lot, and she’s certainly filling a very Nikki Evans-esque (XF ’07) role: middle aged with bingo wings and a shit day job. This lady will certainly haul in a good number of votes from women who can relate to her, but I doubt the producers want to have her win. They may’ve been seeking another SuBo (her audition was equally “inspirational”), but it’s not taken off like that. My guess is that Simon will say, at some point in the live shows, “People like you are what this show is all about… having a last chance at changing your mediocre existence and experiencing glory”… or something to that effect, anyway.

Storm (the guy with the stupid name): a contestant that “divides” the judges, especially Simon and Louis (Same Difference, Jedward), makes for great entertainment and normally provides a cue for the audience to pick up the phone and vote for the underdog.

John (who?): unfortunately, a disposable (see Aiden). I don’t recall seeing this guy until the Judges’ Houses, where it became evident that he was the best in the category. I predict that he’ll be in the bottom two in the first show, but I’m not sure if the judges will eliminate him initially. Best to hold on to him until he’s up against a Chosen One.

Groups (“Mentor”: Simon Cowell)

One Direction (reject ensemble, boy version): At first, I was a bit perplexed by another decision to round up rejected contestants for an “all in one” package – hadn’t previous years’ attempts been unsuccessful? – but one look at the line-up for One Direction, and it clicked. The kids look as though they’ve been perfectly genetically engineered for the Disney Channel itself. It’s like a mass invasion of little Eggnogs and Lloyd Danielses. The pre-/early pubescent part of the audience should go nuts for these guys, and for a group, they may actually do quite well.

Belle Amie (reject ensemble, girl version): kudos to them for coming up with a slightly more original name than something that blandly relates to their emotional journey to becoming a mass marketed musician, but I think this group is a disposable one. It may be the case that they were assembled purely because some of the boys were, and they turned out to be decent enough, and so were put through (just a theory, though). There hasn’t been a successful girl group on The X Factor yet, and they’re normally sent packing quite early on.

FYD (sang that annoying Plan B song in their first audition. Can dance): I’m sure there was a better male group in the auditions process that sang “Fight For This Love,” and I don’t know why these ones were chosen above something more gimmicky like Diva Fever. They’re likely to be a disposable, but I’m more inclined to form an opinion of their role after their performance this Saturday.

Girls (“Mentor”: Cheryl Cole)

Rebecca (sweet looking young mother): As I’ve already mentioned, rumoured to be Cheryl Cole’s actual choice. She’s good vocally and rather attractive, one of the few contenders that’s there for legitimate reasons.

Katie (idiot): Marketable fusion of Lady GaGa, Madonna and Gwen Stefani. Very memorable face and personality (the latter for the wrong reasons if you ask me). I’m fairly sure it wasn’t preferable for her to screw up her audition at the Judges’ Houses, especially after an equally shaky “initial” audition. It will be interesting to see how far she goes; does she have a substantial enough fan base to make it through a good number of live rounds, or is she as hated as everyone’s currently implying?

Cher (eyebrows): Having a much talked about first audition can be dodgy – Danyl Johnson was shot down very early on last year and Cher’s reputation seems to be going the same way. Playing the tonsilitis card so early is also a risky move. I would’ve recommended week 5 of the lives myself. This all seems to be falling out of the control of the producers: I think they’re counting on Cher doing well, because if she wins the show with the popularity she experienced in her first audition, she’d probably be one of their more successful winners.

Of course, as if this show wasn’t already looking like some Big Brother-esque attempt at a “social experiment,” there’s also the “wildcard” rumour that’s circulating the net right now. We know that there’ll be a “twist” on Saturday, so it could be true that one of the rejects will get a second chance. We can only hope as to who it will be.

One little quote for now

Posted in Digital Spy Idiocy, The X Factor on October 2, 2010 by kokairu

One DS user on Cheryl Cole referring to contestant Katie Waissel as a ‘drama queen:’

“it is unbelivable isnt it?? oh and now we also got St Cheryl comforting “my little sister Cher”(she is looking really well after being struck with malaria isnt she,would it be cynical of me to think she was being a drama queen about her “illness”)

Jesus